June 9, 2024
When I use the word "PRIDE," some of you may have wonderful memories of time spent with friends, loved ones and community, celebrating in streets, parks and bars, feeling a common sense of identity; feeling safe in numbers in a way we usually do not experience in daily life. My first big pride parade in Chicago in my early 20s was transformational, where for the first time in my life I felt like I was part of the majority and not part of a marginalized minority. It felt safe. And it felt sort of surreal!
Others of you may wonder, “What is the purpose of Pride? Why do people still need to march in the streets? Haven’t we reached a point where that is no longer necessary? Isn’t pride a sin in a Christian context anyway?” Fair questions. Well let’s look at these questions together, starting with the biblical perspective.

Sinful Pride vs. Righteous Pride
Indeed, if we look to the Bible, there are quite a few pretty damning statements about sinful pride, the most famous of which is the verse from Proverbs that gave us the saying “Pride goeth before the fall.” Author C.S. Lewis writes that pride is the "anti-God" state that severs the spirit from God, and from God’s life-and-grace-giving Presence.
But don’t worry, fellow Pride fans, for I bring glad tidings of great joy! While hubris and lack of humility remain grave sins, the Bible also mentions a different, more positive kind of pride; “righteous pride”, several times. Paul the Apostle is particularly fond of the various Greek terms for Pride. Here are two examples:
Galatians 6:4: "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else."
In 2 Corinthians 7:4: Paul says: "I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds."
The righteous pride Paul talks about encourages us to recognize and celebrate our God-given talents and achievements while remaining humble and grateful. It fosters a healthy self-esteem and motivates us to use our gifts in service to others and to glorify God. Doesn’t that definition of Pride sound great? Doesn’t it sound like we should all fully discover, appreciate and utilize our truest talents to both be happy and serve others?
But it’s not always that easy. You see, those of us in the LGBTQIA+ community often develop a pervasive sense of shame and invalidation that teaches us we can’t be proud of who we are, so often we hide the gifts God has given us. Growing up in a society that often condemns or marginalizes our identities can severely hinder the discovery and expression of our God-given talents and gifts. To survive, instead of being who we are, we adopt qualities and behaviors that we believe will make us more acceptable in the eyes of society and less vulnerable to rejection. This not only causes us to hide our sexuality but also often causes us to hide our true selves and diminish our light. Instead of embracing our unique contributions, we often bury them beneath layers of self-doubt and fear. This not only stifles our personal growth but also deprives the world of the diverse and beautiful ways we can serve and glorify God.
And that shame has a serious cost. According to the Trevor Project, LGBTQIA+ youth are more than twice as likely to feel suicidal and over four times as likely to attempt suicide compared to their heterosexual peers.
For many of you who are part of the community, I suspect you’ll intuitively understand this, because you’ve lived it, and if you haven’t, HALLELUJAH! And even if you don’t identify as part of the community, you may have had experiences in your own life that have caused this story resonates with you too, because shame is unfortunately a common experience among many of us.
Personal Experience
The journey from shame to pride is a long and arduous one for many of us. It has taken me well into my 50s to even begin to understand, process, and heal from the deep wounds that developed in my childhood. I’d like to share my story with you as an example of this journey.
I knew I was gay when I was 12. There were no grand revelations, no parades, no glitter or sequins—just the simple realization that while girls were my best friends, boys were both very intriguing and pretty darn scary. It didn’t take long to understand that my interest in boys would make me extremely unacceptable to my classmates, parents, teachers, and society at large. My parents had no gay friends, there was very little gay representation in the media, and any representation there was portrayed either tragic lives or flamboyant clowns, the only two archetypes that Hollywood seemed to know until pretty recently. I had no openly gay teachers. I had two UCC choir directors who I later found out were gay or lesbian but wouldn’t come out even when young queer choir members clearly could have used their support. One of them, married with children died of AIDS shortly after I graduated, taking his shame and his secret to the grave with him.
When you can’t see anyone in your entire world living the life of truth and love that you long to live, you do what you have to to survive. You shut your mouth, hide your truth, and pretend you’re someone you’re not. So, I stayed in the closet, living in secrecy and shame for the rest of high school.
The only glimpses of connection and joy I got were the acceptance of a few friends in my UCC church choir, where I found an incredible sense of community, and in my first young relationship at about age 16. A friendship in school turned romantic, but when I suggested that our feelings for one another might mean we were gay, he rushed back into the closet, treating me like a pariah and giving me the silent treatment for the rest of high school while he dated girls. I hit rock bottom, and if it weren't for the incredible sense of joy I found in my church activities and the love of my family, I might not have survived my teenage years.
In the case of my choir directors and my boyfriend, living with shame not only harmed them but also lead them to project that shame onto others, perpetuating a cycle of hurt, rejection and unkindness throughout our community. Ironically, today Geoff is a mental health professional specializing in helping LGBTQIA+ people who are living with mental illness, and I thank God his journey took him there.
Eventually, I found my tribe in college. Away from home and surrounded by new friends and proud role models, I was able to live openly as a gay man from the first day of freshman year. I had my first healthy, loving relationship and excelled in school. You’d think that would be the end of the story and my happy ending, but the damage had already been done. Despite no longer hiding who I was, the scars of my past still lingered.
What do I mean by that? Like many of us, that overt shame I had overcome as an out gay man still lived on in a very real way in the depths of my psyche. As a matter of fact, it has NEVER fully gone away, and it has become the invisible enemy that has driven me my entire life.
How did that happen? Because by the time I finally came out, the disapproving, shaming and invalidating messages I got from society and my environment were already fully internalized. On a deep level, part of me still believed them. The child inside of me was so steeped in shame, that it became my entire identity. So to survive, I needed a strategy. So I became allergic to shame. I ran from it. I built walls around it. Every time it popped up its head, I shoved it back down again, hard. It became my life’s nemesis.
According to author Alan Downs in his book, The Velvet Rage, when shame is present, it usually produces two very specific adaptation mechanisms that are extremely common among my LGBTQIA siblings: overachievement and addiction.
Overachievement
In my case, I used every fiber of my being to avoid shame by becoming someone acceptable and desirable to society. I sought validation through academic excellence, participated in countless student activities, graduated from university with two majors, a minor, honors, and a year abroad. I climbed the corporate ladder on two continents, accumulating accolades and possessions to prove my worth. I learned five languages, lived in four countries, and immersed myself in other things that garnered praise. I held leadership positions in organizations I felt no passion for because it looked good on my resumé. I meticulously crafted a persona that others would respect, hoping my achievements would make the world see me as admirable rather than an abomination, so I would never have to confront my shame again. I did all of this without understanding why. I simply felt it was something I had to do. I thought it was who I was.
But no matter how much I accomplished, the sense of unworthiness lingered, always lurking just beneath the surface. I avoided shame at all costs, and when any person or situation triggered even the slightest feeling of it, I would erupt in anger and rage far out of proportion to the situation. Only now am I starting to unpack this and realize how deeply shame still drives my actions today. However, I’ve begun to shine the light of consciousness on it, and when we do that, things like shame cannot survive long in the light of self-examination.
I recently discovered another cost of adapting to shame while preparing my thoughts for this sermon—I realized for the first time that who I am today has been almost entirely shaped by what I thought I had to do to be acceptable and worthy of love. This means that, in a very real sense, I have almost no idea who I am beyond my avoidance of and reaction to shame.
This realization still knocks the wind out of me, leaving me disoriented and confused. Who would Christopher be today if shame hadn't been the guiding force in my life? I think I would have been a very different person. Now, because my spiritual journey has led me to understand that my Creator loves me deeply, my life is about rediscovering and uncovering who that lost man is and who God intended me to be.
I'm starting to get glimpses of that true Christopher. Being on the path to ministry is a major part of that discovery, so thank you for being part of my healing journey as I find myself and my true purpose and voice in this place and in the world. I recognize this as my true path because I can trace my calling to the ministry all the way back to my teenage years. Had I felt more worthy of God’s love and society’s acceptance at the time, perhaps I would have entered the ministry earlier. But better late than never!
Addiction
Another one of the most common coping mechanisms for LGBTQIA+ people dealing with shame is addiction. See, shame is more than just a feeling of guilt or embarrassment; it is a deep-seated sense of worthlessness and inadequacy. And this overwhelming emotion can drive individuals to numb pain and seek solace through addictive behaviors, whether they be substance addictions or process addictions. Let me put this into perspective: According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, LGBTQIA+ individuals are up to twice as likely to use substances than their heterosexual counterparts.
Addiction is not only about substance abuse but also about process addictions, like sex, gambling, or shopping addictions and eating disorders. These things can also take control of and destroy lives as well – and occur at higher levels in LGBTQIA+ people than they do in the population at large. I have struggled with mindless eating my entire life, so I know the struggle. I honor our siblings in this room and around the world who are valiantly fighting to reclaim their lives through recovery from all these things.
The Role of God’s Grace (The Solution)
So how do we begin to heal from this deep-seated shame and reclaim our true selves? How do we conquer addiction and reclaim authenticity and sobriety in our lives? Our recovery friends have this one absolutely right: An important part of the answer to these questions lies in understanding and embracing the transformative power of a higher power. In Isaiah, we find a powerful message of redemption and reassurance.
These verses remind us that we are not defined by the shame of our past or the judgments of others. God calls us by name, claiming us as God’s own. Our Creator promises to be with us through every trial, ensuring that we are not overcome by the waters of despair or the fires of condemnation.
When we internalize this profound truth—that we are precious and honored in God's sight, and that we are deeply loved—we begin to heal our inner child and dismantle the walls of shame that have kept us from finding and living our truths. God’s love provides a foundation upon which we can rebuild our sense of self-worth, not based on our achievements or the approval of others, but on our inherent worth as human beings through the unchanging and unconditional love of our Creator.
Hopefully, in doing this, we let go of what we think the world expects of us and focus on the life that God wants us to lead, one where we are happy and living out the Great Commandment of loving God, neighbor and self. Because in the words of the prophet, RuPaul of Atlanta, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen up in here?”
It wasn’t until I could allow myself to fully feel God’s love by starting to dismantle the walls of shame inside me that I could even begin to approach the idea of standing here today. Though I felt called to the ministry from the time I was a teenager, until I could feel and believe God’s love for me, I couldn’t even imagine doing this. But it took more than just understanding God’s love for me to get where I am today.
The Personal Growth Work We Must Do
You see, even though God’s love is central to our journey from shame to pride, we can’t hand it ALL over to God. We’ve also got some responsibility of our own. I always like to say that we are co-creators with God of our own realities, and that requires some hard work. So after starting to embrace God’s love for us, here is our task list:
Self-Reflect: Spend time in prayer and meditation, asking God to reveal your true passions and callings. Quiet your mind, spend time in silence. Walk in nature. Experience the beauty of God’s world and feel what you are drawn to.
Embrace Vulnerability: Be willing to share your authentic self with others, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability fosters deeper connections and helps build a supportive community. This is what our small groups at First Church are wonderful for!
Find Your Passion: Find the things in your life that give you joy. Especially the ones that give you joy every time you do them! These are your passions and come from the deepest parts of your soul and represent things that are a true expression of your God-given essence!
Be Your Authentic Self: Identify the people, places and reasons that cause you to choose to hide your light under a bushel, and work to be your true self in all situations. Don’t hide the magic that God gave you from others, because in doing so, you only reinforce shame, and you rob others of the chance to experience your uniqueness and your beauty.
Choose Love: Find the power of love in your life. Find your love for God, but make sure to give God the chance to love you back and really feel it! Then turn that love back on your inner child. The one who still bears your shame. They’re still there. They have it pretty rough sometimes. Just as we need God’s unconditional love for us, we must then provide it back to the youngest parts of ourselves to truly heal.
THIS is the sacred journey from SHAME to PRIDE, and that is why we celebrate pride. Because we as a community have to overcome almost insurmountable odds to become who we are today, and to find the courage every day to continue to healing work I’ve described to you here today. When we recognize who we TRULY are, what are gifts are, and what our contributions to society are, and do so humbly and in a spirit of service DESPITE all of what we’ve gone through, then I sort of think we deserve a party once a year, don’t you? And ALL of us who have overcome these things – no matter how you identify – deserve to join in!
“HOW COULD ANYONE?”
To close, I want to invite you to sing a love song to your inner child in a collective act of healing. It’s only 3 minutes long, the text is simple, and Carol is putting it up on the screen now. We’ll sing the same verse 7 times so you can really let the words sink in. It’s completely up to you how you participate.
If you choose, close your eyes and imagine singing this song to your inner child and really let the words sink in. Offer all the love in your heart and all of God’s love to this precious, innermost part of yourself.
If that feels like too much for you for any reason, that’s fine too. Participate any way you wish or sit in silent meditation. It’s up to you.
If you are brave enough to even BEGIN this journey of healing from shame, then you deserve to live in Pride, not just for one parade or one month a year, but every single day. Because the sacred journey from shame to Pride is not easy, but it will be one of your greatest accomplishments, and a unique work of art that will be your legacy to the world and a testament to the power of God’s healing love. Be blessed and reassured in the knowledge that your Creator and this community of love will be with you on your journey.