Rev. Sam Kinsman, a New York chaplain and Facebook friend, recently shared a news story that, frankly, wasn't surprising but remains profoundly disheartening. The article, headlined "Pope Leo XIV affirms family is based on union between a man and a woman, unborn has inherent dignity," was accompanied by my Sam’s incisive and heartfelt commentary. He wrote, with "all love and respect for this human, fallible child of God," that "Hetero-narrow views of thriving - especially in marriage paradigms - are proven to weigh on LGBTQ+ youth in leaden, insidious ways. One Man One Wife anti-queer household language kills young people...This easy, convenient 'man and woman' dogma has very little to do with Jesus' opaque parables, far more to do with selling small parcels of heaven to the highest bidder."
My own immediate gut reaction, which I shared, was this: "This brand of 'religion' always seems to require a scapegoat: a class of people that believers can aspire to and claim to be better than. It's really no different than the current administration's witchhunt against trans people. The LGBTQIA+ community is not a tangible problem. We will not cause the downfall of civilization. Hunger, poverty, war and tribalism will. Perhaps the Catholic Church should focus more on those."
As someone in discernment within the United Church of Christ (UCC), a denomination that has long championed LGBTQ+ inclusion and marriage equality (General Synod 25 in 2005 affirmed "Equal Marriage Rights for All"), and as a progressive theologian, I feel compelled to expand on these sentiments. The insistence by powerful religious institutions, like the Catholic Church, on heterosexual monogamy as the sole acceptable model for relationships isn't just a theological preference; it's a framework with deep, often devastating, human consequences, built on a shaky foundation that serves power more than it serves the radical love exemplified by Jesus.
Let's first address the theological underpinnings often cited for this exclusionary stance. The Catholic Church, for instance, teaches that marriage is a covenant "by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring"1 (Catechism of the Catholic Church).2 This definition is rooted in interpretations of Genesis, specific Gospel passages where Jesus speaks about marriage (e.g., Matthew 19:4-8 regarding a man leaving his father and mother to join his wife), and long-standing tradition. The emphasis is often on complementarity between male and female, and the procreative potential of a union.
However, progressive theology encourages us to read scripture with a critical and contextual lens, asking whose voices are centered and whose are marginalized by traditional interpretations. Jesus' teachings on love, compassion, and justice are expansive and radical.3 He consistently challenged rigid interpretations of religious law that burdened people rather than liberating them. His "opaque parables," as my friend rightly noted, rarely offer simple, prescriptive answers but instead invite us into deeper ethical reflection. To reduce the breadth of Jesus' message to a singular, narrow definition of acceptable love and family seems a disservice to its richness.
Indeed, many biblical scholars and progressive theologians point out that scripture contains a variety of family structures and relationship dynamics. Moreover, the primary emphasis of Jesus' ministry was on love, inclusion of the marginalized, and the establishment of God's "kin-dom" – a realm of justice and peace – on Earth. Is it truly faithful to this message to create doctrines that inherently exclude and condemn a significant portion of humanity for who they love?
This brings me to the concept of the scapegoat. Sociologically and theologically, scapegoating involves unfairly blaming an individual or group for problems they didn't cause, thereby deflecting attention from the real issues and often consolidating the power of the group doing the blaming.4 When institutions like the Catholic Church repeatedly emphasize the "sanctity" of one specific form of relationship while condemning others, they inadvertently (or perhaps, as Sam’s commentary suggests, strategically) create an "out-group." LGBTQ+ individuals become the "other," the perceived threat to the "natural order" or "traditional family."5
This "othering" has devastating consequences. Sam’s words, "One Man One Wife anti-queer household language kills young people," are not hyperbole. Research consistently shows that LGBTQ+ youth who experience rejection from their families and religious communities face significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.6 Religious stress, defined as the conflict an LGBTQ+ young person feels between their faith and their identity, is a direct contributor to negative mental health outcomes. When a figure of authority, like a Pope, reiterates that the "family is based on the union between a man and a woman," it sends a chilling message to queer youth: you are not seen, your love is not valid, you do not belong, you cannot thrive with God's help in the way you are. Despair, as my friend wrote, is indeed "born of the inability to see oneself thriving and finding love with God's help."
This insistence on a narrow model serves as a powerful mechanism of social control. By defining what is "holy" and "acceptable," institutions maintain authority and regulate behavior. As my friend suggested, it can become "an easy way to keep power held over marginalized peoples who will never align with picket fences." Differences are suppressed, and complex human realities are brushed aside in favor of a simplistic, binary understanding of human relationships. It’s far easier to rally people around a perceived moral threat – the "breakdown of the family" supposedly caused by LGBTQ+ equality – than to address the systemic injustices that truly destabilize societies: poverty, hunger, violence, and the tribalism that pits us against one another.
The reality is, the LGBTQIA+ community is not a threat to civilization. Our relationships, our families, our love are as capable of reflecting commitment, care, and the divine as any heterosexual union. The true threats, as I responded to my friend, are hunger, poverty, war, racism and tribalism – the very issues that Jesus consistently addressed and called his followers to combat. Imagine the moral force if the full weight of institutions like the Catholic Church was directed at eradicating global poverty, fostering peace, and dismantling systems of oppression, rather than policing the bedrooms of consenting adults.
As a UCC member in discernment, I am part of a tradition that believes God is "Still Speaking."7 This means our understanding of faith, scripture, and what it means to be a just and loving community must evolve. The UCC's "Open and Affirming" (ONA) covenant is a testament to this belief. It’s a recognition that God's embrace is wide, and that the diversity of human love and family structures can all be sacred reflections of the divine image. We believe in an "extravagant welcome," which means truly embracing people in all their diversity, not in spite of their differences but because of them.
My friend's plea for faith leaders to "start from curiosity, rather than authoritative judgment" and to "listen as well as we pronounce" is crucial. This is the posture of humility that true faith demands. Can we, as people of faith, acknowledge that our interpretations are fallible? Can we examine, as they ask, "the places where profit and white privileged comfort could be limiting our ability to think more expansively about who's allowed to share in the communion meal?" These are not just rhetorical questions; they are urgent calls to spiritual and institutional self-reflection.
The quote attributed to "Pope Leo XIV" in the article – "For words too, not only weapons, can wound and even kill" – is ironically potent here. The words chosen by religious leaders, the doctrines they uphold, have profound real-world impacts. When those words and doctrines consistently marginalize, condemn, and contribute to the suffering of LGBTQ+ individuals, they become, in effect, weapons.
It is time for a more expansive, compassionate, and just theology of relationships – one that moves beyond the confines of heterosexual monogamy as the only ideal. It is time to dismantle the need for scapegoats and instead focus our collective religious and moral energy on addressing the actual crises that threaten human dignity and planetary well-being. The picket fence, a symbol of a narrow, often exclusionary, vision of domestic bliss, was never a prerequisite for God's love or for a thriving human life. Our faith traditions, at their best, call us to tear down walls, not build them higher around ever-smaller parcels of supposed heaven. They call us to love, radically and inclusively, just as Jesus did.
Footnotes:
¹ Based on the user-provided news story: Winfield, N. (2025, May 16). Pope Leo XIV affirms family is based on union between a man and a woman, unborn has inherent dignity. AP News.
² United Church of Christ. (n.d.). Marriage Equality. UCC.org. (Reflecting information from General Synod 25, 2005)
³ Catechism of the Catholic Church. (As cited in Wikipedia, Marriage in the Catholic Church, and All Saints Catholic Church, Theology of Marriage)
⁴ See Matthew 19:4-8. This passage is discussed in relation to Catholic marriage theology in sources like All Saints Catholic Church, Theology of Marriage and Catholic Stand, Pope Leo XIII on Marriage, Family, and Society.
⁵ See for example: Russell B. Toomey, Caitlin Ryan, Rafael M. Diaz, David Huebner, Stephen T. Russell. (2013). The Role of Religion and Stress in Sexual Identity and Mental Health Among LGB Youth. PMC NCBI (Source 7.1); and Alegria, D., & Coolhart, D. (2015). Religious Conflict, Sexual Identity, and Suicidal Behaviors among LGBT Young Adults. PMC NCBI.
⁶ Crossman, A. (2025, May 14). Definition of Scapegoat, Scapegoating, and Scapegoat Theory. ThoughtCo.; and Mcleod, S. (2023, October 10). Definition of Scapegoat, Scapegoating, and Scapegoat Theory. Simply Psychology.
⁷ "God is Still Speaking" is a well-known identity and motto of the United Church of Christ. The "Open and Affirming" (ONA) coalition and stance are also central to the UCC's identity regarding LGBTQ+ inclusion, as indicated in resources like the Reddit discussion on r/UnitedChurchofChrist.
